Falling away with you...

It's funny, I already have 70 blogs.... That's a lot to look back at :) Anyway, I am reallyreally happy that we got to talk today. Just the fact that I allowed myself to be open with you made this so much easier on the both of us. I'll never be like that again, it was dumb and I trust you a lot. I shouldn't have to be worried about telling you these things and I'm not.

I wonder what exactly am I going to do for the next two weeks while waiting for your return. Probably I'll think about you arriving and the first thing we'll do. Maybe we'll go to christie right away. Just knowing someone is thinking about me and knowing I'm thinking of them makes me really happy.

There is so much to do but I need to learn to open my head up a bit. When you left that day, it was just nick and I chasing that car with huge gens on our faces but even as we tried to chase you I felt this big empty feeling even though I was smiling...it sucked and I said to nick,"what do we do now?" it was honestly such a terrible empty feeling. And for weeks I still had "what do I do now?" stuck in my head...I need to wake up a bit a realize that I can still think about you and enjoy my life. I know you'd want me try to have a great time and I am now. For the last week I've been making the most of it. But there are still things I bed to do... Like, I miss running and that was one of the things I'd promise myself I'd start doing again but here I am...not running at all. Starting Monday I'm going to go for my first full run in over a year. Itwill be good for me : )

I'll be reading what you message me everyday as soon as I can. As long as I get to keep on touch with you some how then that's alrigt. I won't but when you said you have internet I actually got so happy :) I'm a dork like that I guess but just knowing we'll be to keep in touch also gave my mind a little rest.

Though you've been gone I remember you told me to smile and to be happy and I took that to heart. I mean I shouldn't be moping that you're gone, I should be happy that you are having such a great time for yourself over there :) and I am. I've found things to do and I'm making an effort to keep myself busy but everyday seems to have this empty hole in it. But now it doesn't ...I'm just not worried anymore. I want to have as much fun as I can each day because it's important to stay positive and happy : ) but I know I'll be seeing you soon :) and each day that I try to enjoy as much as possible will go by faster. As long as we are happy and having a great time, we will see each other sooner than we think.

I really happy for you, for being happy and looking forward to everything when you get back : ) it's admirable. You're such a positive person. And you know what :) I'm sure your parents are gong to be so so happy to see you :) I'm picturing it.

But I'm also looking forward to seeing Adri. She is such an important person in my life and she's taught me more than sh thinks. I miss sitting with her and talking to her about life or even just sittn in silence with her. She's such an awesome person and one of my greatest friends but I also feel guilty. I have to tell you and I've told her already but I feel that during the last few weeks you were in Toronto I sort of shifted away from her a lot because I was focusing a lot of my time with you and I told her I how douchey it was for me to do that. I love your sister to bits and promised I would never hurt her but that counts doesn't it? I know I'll make a better effort because you mean a lot to me, she means a lot to me, your her sister and she's your sister and I love you both.

That was just something I had to tell you.

So as I wait I also enjoy life :) what better way to wait for your return than enjoying myself each day :) I hope the exact same goes for you too! And dont worry, I'm not paranoid anymore :D

I'm smiling still from seeing your face this morning and even more after reading your amazing blog. Lol and yes I t tis my fault for making you smile thrifty and I'm so glad it as me ;D

I missed 1111 but I'd like to guess your wish when you get back :3

And you're not an airhead!!!! >:( you're one of the smartest people I know. You understand these things and you care aboutthem :D you're totally awesome. Omg I'm falling asleep and my figures are killing me from
typing on the iPod. But writing this is all worth it. It is 4am now and I should probably go to sleep but I know we will see each other soon :) and I just want to say that your blog was so amazing and touching , it really hnestly was, but before I go...well I guess I already told you how my day went at work and with Danny tut lol .............hmmmm I bouht TWO MUSE albums!!!!! Omg omg I am falling asleep. Okay Carla, I miss you so much and son is close by in my world : )

I'll talk to you soon,

Love,

Jesse


Ps I have to say again that your blog was great. I actually tear because it was so honest and happy and the thng about yu parents and all :) okay I need sleep but I just want to say :)

Night.