I'm Not The One

It is summer time again, there is only one thing that bothers me now...we never carry a conversation...whenever I say something it is always these one lined responses I get like, "wow" :Oh my: etc... I want to be able to talk with you not say something and have it end on "oh dear." But I guess it is also me...always making stupid immature jokes that makes it hard for you to take me seriously and it probably gets old after a while. But the one thing I don't want is to have to think about this every time we have a conversation. I don't want to try and force conversation either. :/ lol I don't know what I want exactly but I know we are happy so I think that is what really matters.  Oh sweet summer time :3

The main thing is that I don't want two weeks of this "summer" to last and have to wait for July again for you to be happy. It is tiring seeing you upset all the time. I just want you to give an effort. Like yesterday and now...don't you think I am upset about alley?  Yes I am but I made the effort yesterday to be happy and cheery with you...yeah I talked about it but I didn't mope about it the whole time because I want to be able to laugh, and smile and have fun with you. You shouldn't have to hope mope with me because I am feeling crummy. That wouldn't be fair. But I was faking being happy...just because I am putting in that extra effort to be happy doesn't mean I am faking it. Actually after I put in that extra effort I don't regret it because I am relieved that I am happy. It feels good to be happy with you. I just want you to do that with me when the New Year comes around please. That is all I ask babe. We can have our summer all year long if we both make that effort : ) will you?

Have you ever seen the sky, when the sun and moon collide?

That was depressing. There is this difference in understanding I don't think you realize and I understand now why like you get upset with me. It is because we aren't on the same level. You treat music as a hobby and I treat it as a career. Both are VERY different things and if you are going to do things my way or the "career" way it will be much more serious, more challenging, more stressful and MUCH MORE time consuming. That is why I get intense. Honestly, I haven't changed since you first met me. I was doing this exactly the same with my music. Same intensity but I don't think you realized that yes we are reading the same book but we are both on two very different pages. You are on page 62 Chapter 3 Hobby. I am on page 306 Chapter 30 Career.

This is what I want to do with the rest of my life! It is like when you do your healthcare work and stuff and I know sometimes doing that work must get stressful but imagine it the same way for me. Get these recordings done is my homework. What makes it more stressful is that I have other people working on my "homework" with me. I try to get as much as I can get done in one session and I have told you this. So if I am trying to rush things and I say shut up...I am sorry, there is stress involved because if I don't get enough material ...then I can't finish my homework...example, Screeech I still haven't finished. We need to have you come and finish it still.

Honestly, I don't want to worry about this anymore. I know you are right though, I need to keep you in the loop and let you know what I am doing and keep in touch with you better because you love, worry and care about me and I was wrong for not doing that. I am sorry Carla, I love you so much. We just have to be understanding from both sides now.

also, just adding, I don't want you to feel like i am ignoring you guys because I am playing with someone else.  This could end up being more serious. You know that. If it happens then I will be happy...i just want you to be happy for me if it does instead of possibly bitter.

I love you, you know that...when you think about it...if any of this comes inbetween you and I then that will be silly. I love you too much for any of this to get in the way but I am going to go after this. After all, you motivated me even further ;D

I love you

Goodnigth.