siigghhh...WALRUS BALLS

If there is one thing i really don't want to do right now, it is BLOGGING! Yet, here I am ranting about it. SO, why is blogging sooooo amazing huh? Why do people rave about their blogs? Because they can actually fucking BLOG. Can I?  No. I actually used to go over in detail my daily events and what not and then edit them and make them really fun to read...that got boring...then I met this fantastic girl and ever since then alllll my 'blogs' have been about and for her. Why you may ask? That IS NOT THE ISSUE RIGHT NOW! I'll talk about that AFTER I am done this blog. ....never mind....sigh, this blog is going no where...here I am saying that retelling my day is boring...yet I am about to do it.

sooooooooooooooooo....today I got up very tired for work and went down to Bay & Boor and went straight to the Cineplex theater I work at. I was there for 6 hours and I maybe served 6 people the entire time asdfjlasdkfjasldk WTF that is like and costumer an hour!!! k, no I didn't acutally get only 6....that is stupid lol but still YOU GET MY POINT. The entire time I texted Carla and I did absolutely NOTHING alskdfjalsdkfjasdlf all I wanted to do was go home, chill and write some music. Anyway...now I'm here and I really don't want to blog so I am going to finish and go back to talk to the greatest gal I've ever met :?

P.S.

WALRUS BALLS>>> NOMNOM

Goodnight.

Never in my life have I felt so happy to make someone this happy. I don't know how to even explain it. I am completely out of words. Every moment spent with you is a new pallet of moments to caress the mind with in later years. You are the reason I stand right now. I was a lonesome soul. I sat in a basement, slept until 3pm and didn't eat. Now you've revived me. You've given me a reason to live each day and I am more than thankful for that. If you were to ever leave me then I might as well drop dead.

Yesterday was amazing and I am so glad you enjoyed it. 

I want you to know that as long as I am around you never have to thank me because no matter what I will always be here. Take everything I do for granted but lets apprecitate each other's company forever

I love you Carla

: )

7.

1. Carla Abreu
2. Carla Abreu
3. Carla Abreu
4. Carla Abreu
5. Carla Abreu
6. Carla Abreu
7. Carla Abreu

8.

1. Be honest
2. A smile is always nice
3. Be supportive in whatever I want to do
4. Being shy is alright, as long as I know you love me
5. Make me smile and laugh
6. Be you, nothing else
7. (Give me space when I need it.) <--stolen from Carla >:]
8. Make me feel special, like...can't really put it into words....but I can say that you do that to me Carla :3

Modern Guilt

Today you faced your own mother, I thought I would being doing it because I had to prove something...but you proved something else to me. That you love me. You did it for us becuase we both want this and we will not let anything get in the way,
that includes parents.

I felt guilty for letting you do it but now I am looking at it from your point of view and I appreciate what you did so much. I love you for it. Right after you did it, I felt I had nothing to lose at that point and I went right in and told my own mom, and just having everyone know makes me feel great. I want the whole world to know what we have because it is special. We have something most people don't and we will never let that change. And we did make a promise. A promise I will never forget Carla. I promise again and always.

I love you Carla.

The Love That Grew For Them

So surreal yet so honestly true, our relationship really has skyrocketed to an all time high. The way it has evolved since over a week ago is incredible. I just remember that point where I really loved you so much that I had to tell you. And I am not afraid to tell you over and over because it feels so right.




I haven’t actually blogged in a while and after reading your blog I felt like I had something similar to tell you because it made me so happy to read what you wrote.


That fact that I have been able to tell you everything is amazing. You don’t judge me and you love me just the same. I respect you so much and you are amazing. Like you said, even our chemistry has gone over the top. I feel like writing until I literally cannot anymore but no matter what I type and say ...it will never equal my love for you.


Thank you,


For being my friend and more, for being someone I can always trust and talk to, for being yourself with me, for being honest, for being the most beautiful person I have ever met, and for what it is all worth, thank you Carla for entering my lonely dismal life and bringing me back to life.






I love you so much

 : )

9.

1. I am way too easily ammused....action figures much?
2. I don't have many people you can call my "real" friends
3. I break everything i touch
4. I ask too many questions
5. I am ADHD...incase you didn't know >: D
6.I pitty homophobes...a lot
7. I used to think I was bi
8. I am very very very stubborn
9. I have to you agree with you, i couldn't be any more lucky at this point in my life...i got this wonderful flower :3

10.

1. I'll take care of you
2. Why?
3. I am sorry
4. You are a sixteen year old trying to act 25, shut the fuck up -__-
5. You are getting old
6. You need to chill sometimes
7. I love you man, no homo...k maybe a bit
8. So cash
9. You are soooo  annoying but I love you man
10. I love you too, so much

So what do I call this?

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.


Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession

?

Who killed the man?
>: D

Sigh

From drafts, July 17th 2010 ...shortly after I wrote you a letter and talked you ...look back to the 17th

"sigh" was my FB status for a while and now I'm talking about my sigh. I sighed for only one reason and it's a reason I don't even have to say : ) But Now I'm not sighing but smiling in a rather happy way. Everything feels good...if you know what I mean : )  ahah, I'm know I 'm a huge lame geek but


...I never finished this post


...I'm a huge lame geek but...

who is she?

From drafts, June 1st 2010

I don't know, she must be pretty cool though. For the last month or two, I can't remember exactly now but I've had this odd feeling of "love?" or that feeling when you like someone, that has been coming out of nowhere. I don't know, I talked about it in one of my earlier blogs though. So now I am deciding who it is and it is difficult and not difficult to say...oh man, it's just like asldkjasldkgjasd though ... you know? You want to pin point it but you can't...but i've been numbering down the people and who it could be and it is becoming possibly more clear to me who it might be. So, if you where me and you knew, what would you do? For three years I haven't actually liked someone, it has to be someone that's worth it, you know? I don't want to go after someone who is a jerk...someone that will waste my time...I want to be with someone who enjoys my company and  I'd like to enjoy theirs.

My Unintended Choice

From drafts, June 12th 2010

A grey window upon the land my mind has been put to ease
But mere allowance does not submit me to actions of unthoughtful speed
The beast that worried a mind is no beast and the flower that is cherished is blossiming ever more
Must i think or wait for the approach that shall approach us in time?
The musing that was taken is now certain to my gentle mind

Green

I thought I would blog an hour or two ago. An hour or two ago I read your blog and it really made me admire you and also put the largest smile on my face. I just realized that I feel as though I need to like "match" your blog lol but it isn't about who blogs better or worse...I think it has become about being honest with each other and I know now that we have such a huge bond and that includes trust.  I sometimes feel as though I am repeating myself you, which I know you hate repeating things :P , but to tell you the truth I could repeat it over and over again and it would never get old. i really respect you and admire you a lot for your trust in certain individuals and I feel really lucky to have you in my life as some you care and trust.
















































































That large space ...is how  much I love you ^that much...see... :3 just another format...

I'm speechless, i can never put it into words...ever.  it's too much...I've sitting talking to you  trying to figure out what to type for this last sentence...I don't ...i can't really put it into words




i love you.

>: D HI BILLY!

Another letter full of words

Today I got a letter,
You say it wasn't much
But it meant a lot,
Short or longer,
Lined or not,
It is the words the paper held that still made me smile,
And I must thank you,
You are smart,
You knew I'd love it
and I did :3


Thank you for being there for one of the best birthdays ever : )   not to mention that I also got the best birthday present ever.

I know we say we don't have to thank each other so I'm going to say....you're amazingly awesome : )

Thanks...

: ) Thanks,
you deserve the thanks : )




btw I post two blogs..incase you only see one ;D don't miss any! >: ( xD

Just saying/....

I bring myself to an epiphany, to trust the ones closest to you. They keep you close because you trust them. They are close to you becuase you trust them.  I'll stop worrying :3 

Night


: )

hey man, please read this

I should probably talk to you in person but I'm not here to be your enemy...I guess I kinda just showed up out of now where....I guess it sucks but to her you are no less of a friend. I’m not in the way; in your mind I am in the way...today was I guess an accident..My cousin wanted to go to the pool so we went and we want to meet you and her. But like today you spent the day with her...I guess you were really awkward...I don't want you to have to be like then when you are in a group or just with her alone. You are cool, you are a good friend to her. I know that for a fact. I need to leave for work and I'm doing this quick but I really mean it. Please, please, please don't feel I’m in the way...I guess maybe you guys have a bit less time together now but you are still like a brother to her. And we all care about you man. I even care about you. The fact that you feel abandoned is really bothering me. I don't want you to feel that way at all. Can we please talk?

just enjoy the day

Enjoy the day,
Take it's breeze,
And let it guide you,
Not the breath of the distant man,
Not the hand of the soul unknown,
Make yourself happy and go where life takes you

...yeah


: D

hey,what's up ?

Not much, and not much to say isn't already known. I wrote in my journel and I will agree with you Giz...It would be a bitch write stuff out again. But I will say that having and you and your sister back has totally turned my summer around. I guess I didn't wait all summer to ask but I knew before you left that the day you got back I would ask you. I kinda just knew and then half way through the summer I was like oh shit, lol, I need to ask her....but I couldn't -____-   :3           


ANYHOW! August 11th, probably one the best days this summer if not the best....k.. I won't lie ahah THE BEST DAY OF THIS SUMMER 2010!!!!


kkk gotta go take care of my cousin -__-

night giz

k i'm off to bed

you're fucking awesome

There is this person who likes this poet.































































































































The poet finally has you :D

We're Captive On The Carousel Of Time

I remember when I was counting from like 43 more days and now I just realized how much happened during that time...lots! So much time has passed and most of it was spent waiting. It took a while to just enjoy what I got over here but at the same time, knowing two of the best people you know have left you and aren't here kinda sucks...a lot. I have had so much to think about during this last month...stuff I didn't realize I had even thought about but now I realize so many different things....I guess you could say that I'm finally growing up. While everyone else was growing up I was still hanging onto the past. I couldn't let go but now I realize that I have to. This next year off will finally give me the chance to plan my future but everything I just said isn't going to change who I am. I'm still me and will always will be me : ) My friends and people closest to me will always come before me because if I didn't have them...life would not be worth living.

Anyway, I guess I got a little of track : ) but that's okay, now there is only hours until you get back at I probably won't get to sleep too well because I'm to excited to see you gals : )) I really can't wait...such a long month ...yet...it went by like that...

I'll see you later today Giz

: )

: )

Get home safe.

: )

ouch

my back hurts




>: (

Everything will be cool

I've thought about sooooooo much lately and it is not stressing me out : ) I'm just going to live each day and see what happens next : )

I like to over think things

Everything good,



A timeless memory of the past,


Unknown future,


Dreams murdered,


Like a slow poison,


It cancers the mind,


And you weep to be a child,


Once more,


“Bring it back, bring it back”, you shout


As they lock you away for the mentally ill.






You are a breach of god’s tragic flaw,


They must hide it,


Keep it safe,


You are “it”






Why live this life of brutality?


Slaves to achievement,


Accomplishments are illusions,


Oasis is a fictional escape,


There is no escape,


Only death.


But the death of you will only be of passing of age,


For you are the fault of god,


To murder one’s self would be murder by god.






There is no escape,


So what do people say?


“Suck it up,”


“Deal with it,”


They are right now,


It is bullshit that is true


But there are ones to love,


Ones to cherish that make this miserable life worth listening to


On replay


Replay


Replay


Replay






Replay






Replay










Replay










Replay






Replay






But keep them close to you,


You may lose your sanity to a lifetime of eternal weeping










So what is my life...my life is great. This poem is not a reflection of myself or my life at all...it is a reflection of certain points in my life...what do you do with those moments? You struggle and look to blame some other person or thing rather than yourself but we must look to us and say we are the only ones that can pull ourselves through the shitty times in life. Life sucks sometimes but life does not suck for me. I have people I love and care about; I have a passion and a passion worth pursuing. I must hold onto those people in my mind and always remember them no matter where I go and what I do but most importantly, make this life worth living. People tell us that all the time but when you think about it... they are right you know. We only got one shot, why not make it all a pleasant memory so that when we look back we have no regrets....obviously I’m in one of my philosophical moods...I’m just tired xD but sometimes I like to over think things. : )


anyway, asldfjalsdfkajsdf LOL now my head hurts xD





Goodnight.

Resistance

Remember the child's mind we used to own?
We owned  it and didn't care,
Nothing mattered,
All taken for granted,
Don't you miss that?


I think I'm still there but here,
Everyday I try to bring myself to reality
But I can't escape my fate,
Unknown,
I have to be brave,
Start making the choices,
Breaking the barriers of limitation and achievement
And make a name for myself.


There is more to be told,
I know in my mind,
Got to push,
Make it work,
Make happen.


Easy said....now do it Jesse








Goodnight.

a lost friend...found again

I haven't seen you in months and we talked about geting drunk and painting lol. You're an awesome friend and I miss talking to you! We had so many fun ideas! Like writing a graphic novel about life and other crazy ideas. I miss playing music and just chilling and sleeping over at your place. We used to hangout everyday and it was great. : ) I'm lucky to have you as a friend but I'll take the blame for us not hanging out -_____- I don't know why we haven't : (  I guess I got too busy and self occupied with my own stuff and I ignored you  which is a horrible excuse and that is terrible because you are an amazing person. The one of many important things I've learned from you is to be free and live life to its fullest. You are so open minded to so many things and I love it. There are very few people I admire in my life but the ones I do I care about the most. You are one of those people and we need to see each other more. You are always a friend I can depend upon but I won't lie that sometimes you are just flat out hard to reach ahah : ) but I miss having you around and I hope we'll see each other soon.  

: )




Goodnight.